2008, what a year!

So there we have it, 2008 is more or less over, all bar one day and I thought I ought to try and recap and reflect on what sort of effect its had on me, its been rather interesting!
Before you start, I know it’s a day early, but I’ll be out New Years Eve, and frankly that’s more fun than writing a blog…
2008 then, it has been a rather interesting and odd year; trouble is that its unlikely that I can remember all of the interesting facts, there has been quite a few.
I remember where the year started very clearly, it was on msn talking to my long time partner in crime Kev and an old assistant called Rach (there have been a few Rachels this was the most troublesome one). It was rather odd talking to her that night on msn, as she was supposed to be working for me, to enable me to go out and celebrate New Years in the time old traditional way of getting drunk with people you don’t know and pretending like you were best mates. Unfortunately she had for some reason or another said that she couldn’t make it in, at stupidly short notice. This meant that there was no one to assist me, so I had to go back to my parents. Normally this isn’t that much of a big deal, but New Years in a tiny town where you don’t know anybody isn’t the most fun you can have. So there I am on a camp bed in the lounge, listening to Jools Holland’s Hootenanny chatting to Rach and Kev. Had a bit of a heart to heart with Rach, up until that point we hadn’t spoken, after not parting on the best of terms. Terms that aren’t altogether fair to comment on here, but needless to say things weren’t pretty for a while. So we had a chat on msn and almost sorted things out, except for my annoyance that the excuse she had for not turning up wasn’t real, as she was at someone else’s working for them!! Good start to the year eh….

The next major significance of the year was my first sacking of a PA. I don’t do it lightly but sometimes it has to be done. For a tiny bit of background and context, she arrived at the interview with her mum and her sister. Her mum did all the talking and she didn’t seem that bothered. Out of desperation I employed her anyway. She wasn’t overly good at her job, and it came to a head when she left a pile of snotty tissues in their room at the end of her shift. She had to go!

That did mean that there was a vacancy though, which fortunately was filled by my other Rachel, who was and still is awesome. She has never let me down and has always been, and I am sure will always be there for me. So there we were spending the weekends together doing the normal stuff and having a lovely old time. However Rach was off to the party islands for the summer, something that she did most years, so I needed to find another person to work for me in the mean time till she came back. I found an ace girl called Lauren. Although she only lasted for six weeks, (she found a proper job) she was amazing; there should be more people in the world like her, and Rach for that matter.

So there I was coming up to the end of the summer, expecting Rach to come back and getting on just fine with Lauren, when my world, metaphorically, came crashing down! First Lauren told me that she was leaving, I totally understood, she was off to do her dream job and I was so pleased for her. The problem was mine and it was personal. I ended up liking her as a person, which is fantastic in the grand scheme of things, as it means the social aspects of the job are far more relaxed and fun. The down side to that is when they leave, as with all friendships that undergo a separation in the form of physical distance and less frequent contact I knew that the friendship would fade, and that made me sad. I am pleased to say that we are still in touch, long may it continue, but msn and the odd phone call here and there aren’t the same as chatting over a coffee in a coffee shop in Oxford!
I am sure by now that the astute of you can work out what the next blow was, yep you’ve guessed it, Rach left. She was in Greece and she text me to say that the other woman she had worked for offered her full time hours and that she couldn’t afford to turn them down. Again completely understandable but again the separation and lack of contact mentioned a few minutes ago was a major down side. Except with Rach it was intensified by the fact that I had spent most weekends with her for the last 3 or so years. I don’t like to use sentimental metaphors or any such nonsense but to illustrate the point I feel I need to, when Rach left it really did feel like I was losing a family member. Having actually spent more time with her than anyone in the last 3 years, it came as an immense shock to know that suddenly she would no longer be there. I know that you shouldn’t get attached to people that you interact with in a professional sense, but when you live, eat, go out and have fun together it is hard not to. My July blog, Loss… was written at the time that all of this was happening, I didn’t mention it in that blog but it might now put it more into context, its worth a read. I am glad to say at this point though that I have kept in touch with Rach, and she has been back to do a shift, and hopefully will be back more permanently in the future, watch this space!

Lauren and Rach’s departure meant that I had to replace them with new people. I’ve already talked about this in the last blog, Heinz 57…. A Variety (of blog subjects). I may have been a little premature in saying that the two that I employed were both awesome; one is a bit less than awesome. However, for now I can’t comment on who, or why, it’s not fair as they still work for me. Just keep an eye out in future blog postings.

The other major change that I experienced this year was drastically changing my career. I have talked about that already too, but now I am nearly 4 months in I’d like to say that I am still thoroughly enjoying it. It’s so nice to be appreciated for what you do and to be encouraged to do things well. I also work with a bunch of cool people and do things that are on the whole very interesting. I am not saying that incase someone from there reads this either, I am actually enjoying it so far, long may it continue!

So after the summer and a lovely holiday in France and starting the new job, October came, and with it the lowest point of the year. My granddad died. I was in London on the weekend that it happened and for one reason or another had ended up back in the hotel room after a heated debate with the PA and was told the sad news. It wasn’t unexpected; as he had been diagnosed with cancer a while before, and due to a plethora of other medical issues it couldn’t really be treated effectively. I could go on about the tried and trusted methods of consoling yourself when it comes to the loss of a relative who has been suffering by saying that at least now he isn’t suffering. Which of course I am very glad he isn’t, but it was still a painful fact to take on board. Added to this was an immense sense of guilt. I still feel it today, and am fairly certain that no matter who tells me that he would have understood or that he knew I cared, I will feel for a long time to come, possibly for the rest of my life. The guilt arose because I hadn’t talked to him in a week or two. It was common knowledge that he was not well, and more than likely wasn’t going to last for a lot longer. I had the urge to call him on the Tuesday before I went to London, but didn’t have much to say to him. I knew that he struggled to talk on the phone, each time I rang him he sounded like it was an effort, but that he was pleased to hear my voice. I had been thinking about it while I had been trying to get to sleep on the Monday. Going over what I might say to him on the next day. I wanted to tell him how much I loved him and how I was proud to be his grandson, how I missed him and felt bad that I hadn’t seen him in such a long time. The reason for which was because he was stuck in his house, which unfortunately I couldn’t get my wheelchair into. However the more I thought about it the more it sounded like a rehearsed Hollywood tear jerker, and I didn’t want it to sound fake, I really did mean it. With this in mind I decided to put it off till the week after so that I could tell him all about what I had been up to in London, as the last time we had chatted I had told him that was where I was off to. I never got to make that call, and when I was speaking to my Nan on the phone I has this wave of grief wash over me, coupled with the guilt of not speaking to my Granddad one final time. It was a weird being in a featureless hotel room in London with a PA you had been arguing with contemplating eternity and your place in the grander scheme of things, dealing with grief and guilt, so far from anyone who cared. It isn’t something that I would recommend to anyone. I lay there on the hotel bed and blankly staring at the television, decided to text the only person I could think that might care, Rach. To which the PA in the room said, “why do you keep texting people, you text to much”? I wasn’t in the best of moods so I just told her a friend. After a couple of hours in silence, I decided to go to bed, and after she had helped me in, casually said “have you had a good day?” It was reassuring to know her interpersonal skills were so well developed.
The day of the funeral came and went, it was a sad occasion. It was odd to go out after the service to hear some coffin carrier guy ask the vicar how it went, and then be told, it was ok they were well behaved. It put it all back into perspective, death is a process, by the time that the funeral has happened the person is gone, and it’s only the memories of them that remain. Death doesn’t matter if its not directly connected to you, you can feel compassion or sympathy, but it doesn’t hurt the way that it does if it’s someone close. To them it was just another day at the office.

The only two other points of interest to tell you about this year are my two new forms of transport. I recently acquired a van, its ace; I can now drive my chair straight up the ramp at the back and head anywhere I like. The world is now literally my playground. Also after almost nine years of superb service it was time to trade in my purple Quickie F55 wheelchair, I now have a metallic grey Quickie F55s wheelchair. The s, like any boy racer will tell you, stands for sport. This chair is quick, there is a high chance that I will injure myself in it, I already spun out the other day, good job there was nothing to bang into and more importantly no one to see my mistake! Its also got a full compliment of comedy light, including indicators, and the seat rises up, so in a bar I can now chat face to face with people, which will be very handy for certain things…

So there you have it, the biggest and most memorable bits of 2008 for me. There have been some ups and some downs, but overall its been a good experience. I’ve met some interesting people along the way, who I am sure will turn out to be good friends, sadly I’ve also lost some people along the way, but its all part of life! I’ll try and keep you more updated in 2009 about my adventures, I have been a bit slack with the entries this year, but in my defence I don’t want it turning into a monotonous repetitive diary, I want you to be interest and to enjoy reading it.

I’ll finish here by wishing you all a very happy new year, I hope that it treats you well and that you make it through unscathed! You can keep track of mine and chart my progress, I have no idea where I’ll be this time next year, but hopefully I will have worked in London!

Happy New Year!